I made a startling revelation this week and it came in the most unlikely of places. As I was awkwardly swinging my legs around a metal pole and gyrating with as much ease as an English gentleman with a stiff upper lip, I realised that I can't do sexy. Or at least, I feel utterly uncomfortable doing it. Its not something I've thought about too much, although I have always felt that I'm not very in touch with my body. But, I've never really equated that with what I can do physically, or what I'm relaxed and confident doing with my body, especially in any kind of provocative manner.
But, this is why doing this blog, my burden and the current scourge of my life, does have some positive elements and I have the occasional moment of clarity. If it wasn't for this endless challenge I wouldn't have thought about doing a pole dancing lesson but it was an obvious choice for some fun and trying something a little unusual.
Polepeople is London's leading pole dancing fitness company that run a host of classes for all levels all over London. I went to a taster class at their headquarter studios near Barbican and took a friend with me for moral support. As I waited to get inside I could see patterns of muted light flowing across the frosted pane in the door, a permanent disco ball revolves in each studio, setting the scene. Everyone gets their own pole to work with so its only ever a small class of seven. In the opposite studio there are eight poles in total.
Our teacher, Kirsty began by taking us through a warm up with lots of bending, curving and stretching to get our bodies warmed up. Then it was time for me to make friends with the pole, or rather, show it who was boss. Kirsty took us through the first of our moves, the "step and hook", a seemingly simple sequence of three steps around the pole followed by a sharp but graceful leg spin with one leg and then hooking the pole with the other leg. And then a sexy rub down of the pole at the end for good measure.
I didn't struggle too much with this one, it was just a case of being a bit clumsy with my feet rather than projecting the demeanour of a nun. I had no idea what everyone else was doing or how well they were getting on, you have to be super focused when clambering round a pole, purely so you don't trip over or whack yourself in the face. I could see even before doing any spinning or latching onto the pole that this is a super skilled activity that takes a lot of strength and coordination.
We then moved onto the "corkscrew", fairly self-explanatory really, a few steps and then spinning around the pole with both feet hooked around and off the floor, finishing with a couple of body rolls. The spinning around the pole takes a bit of practise, you have to only use your ankles to hook and spin round the pole, rather than your thighs which I was initially doing. But I got it and I liked it. It was the body rolls that I struggled with and here was the moment when my trepidation with my sexuality was acknowledged. Seeing myself in the mirror, firstly wearing baggy, dishevelled unisex clothes, secondly feeling like a complete lump, but most of all feeling so unsexy and stupid while doing something highly sexualised. I felt really sad. To be utterly sexy and seductive you have to really feel comfortable in your own skin and love yourself, two things I consistently struggle with.
Nevertheless, here is a video of me doing the corkscrew.
We then did a series of poses, some strutting around the pole, then a few cheeky little "wiggle-downs". Finally, Kirsty showed us a simple "fireman" move where you just jump up the pole high and slide down, landing on your knees. After that we put the whole thing together into a mini routine and I tried my hardest not to look like a slovenly mess!
It was all over super quickly and I have to say that I wasn't ready for it to end. I actually want to do it more and think that it would be something incredibly useful not only for my fitness and strength, but more importantly for my confidence and femininity. I think I'm going to do it again and who knows, by next year I might be inviting you all to my one woman burlesque show. Ha! God help us all.
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