Week thirty-four

I asked my personal trainer a few weeks ago if he thought I was fit.  Physically - duh - who do you think I am?  Anyway, I was very pleased when his reply was above average.  Excellent, I thought - then doing a dance workout choreographed to Beyonce should be a doddle. Oh good lord what was I thinking?

Frame is a dance and fitness studio in Shoreditch that I've been eyeing up for a while.  They do all sorts of trendy classes including a Jane Fonda Tribute, Box Fit, Ballet Fit, Rock Barre, Warrior Flow and power yoga; half of those I don't even know but I liked the sound of doing some form of exercise that was a little random and fun.  One of the classes that I liked the sound of was Music Video, where you learn dance moves from some of the biggest artists around.
Each month the focus is on someone different and this month was Beyonce - quite literally the bendiest, limberest, most bootylicious dancer them all.  Having seen what she can do live and watching her at Glastonbury, there is no doubt that she is astoundingly good.  Therefore, I knew from the get-go that I was going to be astonishingly bad.

When I rang Frame to make the appointment for the open level class the manager advised me that maybe I should go to the beginner's class having not done it before but I said that it was no doubt going to be humiliating for me whatever, so it didn't really matter.  Oh dear, how wrong I could have been.

Last week my friend Anna and I arrived after work and already the studio was a buzz with vibey music, pretty girls and lots of leg-warmers - I began to realise why it might have been sensible to go to the beginners class - these girls all looked like they might know what they were doing.......

From the offset I was a little put off as there were just too many in the class - I always think these things should be limited to a certain number so people aren't completely on top of one another.  There were about 25 in the class and the rooms aren't massive so it was a little difficult to see the teacher.  Nonetheless, I was going to get stuck in, do the best I could, have fun and try and maintain some dignity.

Our instructor Paul got us going straight away with a warm-up and even 5 minutes into that I was keeling over and panting.  Joy of joys we moved swiftly on with the workshop - a routine to "Best Thing I Never Had", a song from Beyonce's newest album, which I thought was a surprising choice as its a ballad.  However,  Paul told me afterwards that he chose it because of its heavy beat and powerful piano melody and that he thought a lyrical hip-hop routine would go very well with it.

I didn't struggle horrendously with the first 8 counts even though every time Paul scanned the room to see whether we were all getting it, his eyes always seemed to fix squarely on me.  After 16 counts it was hopeless, I was a complete lost cause, while the no doubt semi-professional dancers crouched, spun, kicked and swivelled their way through the routine.

The moves were really good and I would have loved to have glided my way through, but in such a short space of time I was never going to pick it all up.  Eventually I gave up and just enjoyed watching Paul move so effortlessly through the routine that he told me he had only that afternoon made up in his kitchen, while his children were watching.

I often listen to music and play out the most stunning choreography in my head, imagining there is nothing I can't do.  Then I do a class like that and get a cold dose of reality and realise that I'm only ever going to be a dancer like that in my imagination and that I should stick to the simple shaking and wiggling I do so well at parties and nightclubs.

Humiliation aside,  I would definitely go back to Frame as many of the classes they run are a really fun way to workout - as long as you don't take yourself too seriously - well, unless of course you're really good.  It is a very much "come and run" type studio so its not the most relaxing but there are absolutely loads to choose from, as well as longer courses that change regularly and you don't have to be a member - you just book for an individual class and turn up.  You can check out the entire timetable 2 weeks in advance right here.

This week I'll be doing a bit more exercise, but a bit more visually stimulating, by going on my first proper bike ride in London.  Pedestrians please watch out.